Rand Rambles

That you are where you are supposed to be?

That you are doing what you are supposed to be doing?

That you are living your life how it is meant to be lived?

That you are for once comfortable in your own skin?

That everything is gonna be alright?

That you are loved no matter what happens?

Today I went on a short drive and I got that feeling, I felt good. I am coming to several realizations in my life lately and it makes me happy. Yes, I know that I cannot be complacent, the fact that I am feeling happy will not prevent me from going after what I want and have established goals. But… inside of me, there’s this area that for the longest time felt bound and now, it doesn’t anymore.

I love God, there has been so many things he has brought me through and even in this new season of my life I cannot help but marvel at how great and loyal he is. I also realize that we tend to make God according to how we want him to be, sadly that leaves us with our own limited version of God. God is better, greater and more awesome than whatever we can try to portray him as.

Storms, difficulties, pain and rejection will come, and when those appear I will stand, being who I really am and trusting in the loving God I know.

For the last couple of days i’ve been thinking about my brother Danny a lot. Danny’s life has been more difficult than mine in many ways, he hasn’t made the best decisions and those decisions have brought pretty difficult consequences.

When people ask me how many siblings I have I always say five, even if four of those are not from my same mom and dad, like Danny is. I believe even through that there is a special bond with Danny because of the fact that we were close when we were being raised and experienced a lot of the same things, good and bad. Sadly, many of those things had a larger impact on his life since he’s older than me and had a better understanding on what was going on.

Every time I hear Elton John’s song Daniel I can’t help to think of Danny, not only because of the name, but the lyrics just connect:

“Daniel my brother you are older than me. Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won’t heal?”

I guess it’s time for a real blog. My last few blogs have been random videos and stuff from the interwebz. This has been mainly a result of working and having a life. LIfe has been pretty wild lately for me, many changes. Last week I went from being part-time at my job to officially becoming a full-time employee, which means I get benefits now so I don’t have to fear for my life too much if I get horribly sick or dismembered (Wow, that messed with my stomach).

As I mention in the title my life has been very good lately and also very weird. I am going out more, enjoying my time with friends and also enjoying time on my own. Apparently it shows because even when I speak to my Dad on the phone he mentions how happy I sound now. You see, a couple of months ago I was feeling miserable, I was at a place in which I couldn’t be myself and where I was feeling stuck. So when people ask me why do I look so happy now, my response is short and sweet: I quit my job. And yes, there are some trade-offs, I’m not getting rich at my current job but I feel very happy there. I love what I do, even on the not-so-great days.

For a few years now I have been enjoying the benefits of a great self-esteem, to the point of some people thinking I’m cocky. Sometimes I can be, but it is mostly joking . But there have been areas in my life that I’ve been so afraid to enjoy that I kept them buried in a dusty vault. Lately, I’ve been more open in letting those areas out of the vault and they are enjoying being in fresh air. That’s what feels weird, but awesome at the same time. I am loving getting to know more of who I am, who I was created to be and letting others enjoy those areas of me as well. There are still fights inside of me, there will always be things that I could change and make better but I have decided to embrace to a certain level some areas that for a while were a mystery. The amazing thing is that I feel so good and God’s love upon me feels as fresh as ever. I love that.

I am Rand. If you knew me before you may think I am different, and I am. I am not a hypocrite. I’m just different, I’m just making the choice to the let the real me flourish and live. I try to be the best I can be and everyone will have the option to either love me, hate me or disregard me. But, if you know me you know that the last two options would be too difficult. I’m so lovable. Haha! Lately I’ve been having some great conversations, chats and interactions with some friends and I have been amazed by their greatness, they are gold I tell you. So, Charlie, Tanch, Jonathan, Scott, Andy Mc, Abby, Emily, Andrew, Taylor, Digitalberto, Eric, Mike, Tyler, Marisa, thanks for being awesome. The world is better for people like these. All very different but very awesome.

Ok, done with my acceptance speech, this ain’t no award show fool! So, keep an eye around this blog. New things coming, alright?

Have fun! Love.

If you’ve been following me for a while you know I’m a fan of Lady Gaga and of The Office. I mean, hardcore fan of both. So, I found this very delicious. Not only for that but it also hits close to home since I had some experiences like these on one of my previous jobs. Passive Aggressive Micro Managing Man Whore! Hilarity! Enjoy!

Last night I felt like doing something different. So, I took my clippers and buzzed part of my head. I don’t think I will ever shave my whole head (I love my hair too much), but I like crazy haircuts so that’s what I did. People called me names from Mad Max to Bladerunner. I do agree that I look a bit psycho. Love it! Also, it feels so good, so fresh! Here it is.