Rand Rambles

That you are where you are supposed to be?

That you are doing what you are supposed to be doing?

That you are living your life how it is meant to be lived?

That you are for once comfortable in your own skin?

That everything is gonna be alright?

That you are loved no matter what happens?

Today I went on a short drive and I got that feeling, I felt good. I am coming to several realizations in my life lately and it makes me happy. Yes, I know that I cannot be complacent, the fact that I am feeling happy will not prevent me from going after what I want and have established goals. But… inside of me, there’s this area that for the longest time felt bound and now, it doesn’t anymore.

I love God, there has been so many things he has brought me through and even in this new season of my life I cannot help but marvel at how great and loyal he is. I also realize that we tend to make God according to how we want him to be, sadly that leaves us with our own limited version of God. God is better, greater and more awesome than whatever we can try to portray him as.

Storms, difficulties, pain and rejection will come, and when those appear I will stand, being who I really am and trusting in the loving God I know.

For the last couple of days i’ve been thinking about my brother Danny a lot. Danny’s life has been more difficult than mine in many ways, he hasn’t made the best decisions and those decisions have brought pretty difficult consequences.

When people ask me how many siblings I have I always say five, even if four of those are not from my same mom and dad, like Danny is. I believe even through that there is a special bond with Danny because of the fact that we were close when we were being raised and experienced a lot of the same things, good and bad. Sadly, many of those things had a larger impact on his life since he’s older than me and had a better understanding on what was going on.

Every time I hear Elton John’s song Daniel I can’t help to think of Danny, not only because of the name, but the lyrics just connect:

“Daniel my brother you are older than me. Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won’t heal?”

Haz click aqui para leer version en Español

Quiet Strength, those would be the two words with which I would describe my Grandma, Mi abuela,  Margarita Quiñones. Today I was given the news that she passed away and those are the words that keep coming to my mind. I can still remember my Grandma’s days, she would wake up early in the morning and make some coffee for her and grandpa. Then she would get ready to walk her grandchildren to the nearby elementary school, something that was done so often since there was a new kid to take to school everyday. After leaving the kids in school she would come and cook and take care of her home, go outside, work around the garden and take care of the smaller kids, until it was time to get the others from school. She was a really loving person, I still remember when she would tell us all that she was able to learn in just a couple of years that she was able to go to school, how she would tell us some of the English words she had learned and how all of us would gather together with her and grandpa to watch comedy shows and the news. While Grandpa has always been the storyteller, she was the quiet one, when Grandpa would flare up and fight against wrongdoings, she would be the one that in her quiet disposition would try to make things better with love. I am pretty sure they were a match made in heaven, as balanced as a couple could ever be. Now, that she has passed, the thing that saddens me is thinking about Grandpa, his heart belonged to her from the moment they laid eyes on each other. Even in the frailty of her last years, Abuelo in his strength would move mountains if it was necessary to make her feel more comfortable. He would feed her, stand by her, change her clothes, love her and give her all that he could possible could. I pray that during this time he will have strength and comfort in knowing that he loved her the best that he could have. I pray that the women in my family, and even the men would learn from her, how through her life and her quiet strength she made a difference by raising all her grandchildren. I pray that all of us in the family can learn from their marriage, how in the the hardest of times they learned to count on each other, fight alongside each other and made love the most important thing… for our benefit. There is no doubt in my heart and mind that she is enjoying heaven now, where there are no tubes going in and out of her body, where she can freely speak and move and where there is no more pain and suffering.

I loved that woman and will always love her.

Click here to read the Spanish version…

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Today is my last day in Puerto Rico. I didn’t plan this trip but I am glad I did it. I bought my ticket just three days before flying, thing I don’t usually do. But some circumstances made me come and I am glad I did. Here are some of the reasons I traveled to Puerto Rico.

To see my Mom, she’s been going through some things and she feels better when I’m around.

To spend some time with my Dad, I enjoy being with him a lot. His wisdom gets my mind running.

To spend time with my little brother, Rafy, whenever I come, he’s with me almost 98% of the time. We watch Movies, Comedy series and have a lot of fun.

To visit my brother, Danny, in prison.

To see my grandparents, my grandma is in bed and at her age you never know when is the last time you will see her, which is kinda sad.

To see my Pastor Daisy, which I did and had a great time with her, awesome conversation about a lot of stuff.

It’s a bit hard to make these trips because there is so many people I would love to see but so little time. What I try to do now is to have a stress-free trip and give most of my time to my family. Maybe some day I will be able to visit more people when I come.

Overall it was a short trip but I accomplished the things I came to do. And ate great food in the process.

A new thing starts today… Stay tuned.

I am looking into making some life changing decisions in the next couple of weeks and I am struggling as to what should I do. What is crazy and got me thinking is that at the moment I have the freedom to make any decision that I want. My brother Danny, who I love dearly, is in prison, has been there for around three years and he clearly does not have freedom, of course it was because of some bad choices. But at the moment I have freedom to choose what to do and sometimes feel incapable on making those choices. I am pretty sure that once Danny comes out of prison he will have a new respect for freedom, for making the choices that he wants to make. Anyway, I want to appreciate freedom more, to understand that at this moment, I have the whole world in front of me, I can make the decisions that will give form to my future… I have the choice.

I want to move from Dallas, some of the places in my mind are New York City, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Florida or New Zealand. I have the freedom to go to any of this places. Let’s see what happens.

By the way here is a photo of my brother Danny, my brother Rafy and myself.