Rand Rambles

That you are where you are supposed to be?

That you are doing what you are supposed to be doing?

That you are living your life how it is meant to be lived?

That you are for once comfortable in your own skin?

That everything is gonna be alright?

That you are loved no matter what happens?

Today I went on a short drive and I got that feeling, I felt good. I am coming to several realizations in my life lately and it makes me happy. Yes, I know that I cannot be complacent, the fact that I am feeling happy will not prevent me from going after what I want and have established goals. But… inside of me, there’s this area that for the longest time felt bound and now, it doesn’t anymore.

I love God, there has been so many things he has brought me through and even in this new season of my life I cannot help but marvel at how great and loyal he is. I also realize that we tend to make God according to how we want him to be, sadly that leaves us with our own limited version of God. God is better, greater and more awesome than whatever we can try to portray him as.

Storms, difficulties, pain and rejection will come, and when those appear I will stand, being who I really am and trusting in the loving God I know.

For the last couple of days i’ve been thinking about my brother Danny a lot. Danny’s life has been more difficult than mine in many ways, he hasn’t made the best decisions and those decisions have brought pretty difficult consequences.

When people ask me how many siblings I have I always say five, even if four of those are not from my same mom and dad, like Danny is. I believe even through that there is a special bond with Danny because of the fact that we were close when we were being raised and experienced a lot of the same things, good and bad. Sadly, many of those things had a larger impact on his life since he’s older than me and had a better understanding on what was going on.

Every time I hear Elton John’s song Daniel I can’t help to think of Danny, not only because of the name, but the lyrics just connect:

“Daniel my brother you are older than me. Do you still feel the pain of the scars that won’t heal?”

Something that I like about life is that it has ups and downs. Yes it would be great to be happy all the time, yes it would be awesome for everything go perfectly, but… I believe going through difficult situations helps us enjoy the good ones even more. It gives us something to compare them too.

Personally I haven’t gone through a lot of pain. I mean, some of the fears that I’ve struggled with and specific situations have taken a toll for sure and sometimes I wish I didn’t have to deal with them, but all of those in some way have helped me really appreciate the good times and grow. Some of the most hurtful things I’ve been through have been losing people that were oh so close to my heart, either because they died, like in the case of my pastor Jorgito or others because of disconnection.

If you have followed me for a while you kinda know me already, I try to be pretty open here and let me tell you something, today, I feel happy. A few months ago I quit a job that was making me miserable, It was hard on me and even though I am grateful that I had a job that was helping me financially everyday I would come home and feel like crap. I studied the decision of quitting for a while, looking for different opportunities and seeking wise advice because I didn’t want to make a foolish decision. I am grateful now to have a job that I am enjoying, not only because of where I work but because it has provided me with time and it has given me a little boost on going out there, being myself and meeting new, great people.

Yes, I could be sad tomorrow, I could experience pain in two seconds by a sudden phone call, I could lose someone dear to me and feel my life crumbling into pieces. But that’s the thing, “it could happen” doesn’t mean that it will happen right now or that I have to be expecting bad things to happen. If we live like that we will not enjoy the present blessings that are all around us.

It happens, life happens. Good and bad. Enjoy the good and hold on when the bad comes and grow from it, you will be stronger.

Have fun!

I’ve been sitting in front of my Macbook Pro most of the day doing some schoolwork. My iPhone is next to me in the couch, I’m texting. My iPad is on the other side of the couch… I’ve been using it on my frequent breaks from schoolwork to play some games. Throughout the day I’ve seen several episodes of 30 Rock. A few minutes ago my iPhone notified me that it had 10% of battery left, followed my the same message on my iPad. Then it happened. I felt connected. Too connected.

Far from boasting of how much technology surrounds me this post is quite the opposite. All of a sudden I feel like my mind is cluttered, so much to keep up with, so many applications, so many ways to interact with people. I know, they are a blessing most of the time but suddenly I wish for a break. I wish for a little disconnection. I desire something else. Don’t get me wrong, I like all my gadgets, I enjoy social media, through it I’ve been able to meet some fantastic folks but I feel tired. Do you ever feel tired? Tired of the routine of checking your email? Posting your status to Twitter? Checking all your notifications on Facebook?

I want to disconnect. Not from the people and my interactions with them but with the idea that I have to be connected, all the time. I want to be able to leave my phone at home and not get mad because of it. I want to spend one day without checking any social media sites or my email and not feeling like I missed something. I want to experience life unplugged, at least for a while. I miss silence.

Unplug me.

Don’t you wish sometimes that things were easier? I mean, some things in life can get so complicated. I’ve been joking lately about considering celibacy, I am amused by the idea but pretty sure that it will definitely not work for me, some of my friends totally agree that it WILL NOT work for me.

Here’s the thing, finding a mate can get very complicated if we focus too much on it, I believe one of the best things is just to LIVE, enjoy life and flow along. Then, at the right time you may find yourself meeting a fantastic person that will rock your world and let you rock theirs. But many times this gets so hard. I have been in some great relationships that even though they ended provided me with a lot of knowledge on how to do things a little better and how to understand others’ behaviors and deal with them in a more loving way.

Even the people that love the “single life” have those moments when they wish they had someone to hold, someone to call and ask how their day went, someone to care for. It can be very easy to just find a fling, someone to play with and have a good time but that just won’t fill any lasting voids. I guess I consider myself more of a romantic who likes things done the right way, love can be playful but it is not meant to be played with.

Unbelievable that all that spill on the first paragraphs came from watching this little video of some bird doing his mating dance. Sometimes I wish life was as simple as ruffling your feathers and attacking… then I remember what I really want.