Rand Rambles

A few days ago I posted an iTunes link to Facebook from one singer whose music I enjoy. This singer is not a Christian.

Not too long after that I receive a message from someone basically saying this:

I can’t believe that you promote people like that who are gay and  drug addicts, etc. That does not go along God’s hand… Or does that mean that you don’t follow him anymore? I mean, everyone has their preferences and I don’t judge anyone, I am just surprised by this coming from the Christian guy I used to know. Take care.

Where do I start? Let me start with this, I used to be just like that. I used to believe that Christians should stick to Christian music, that music other than Christian music cannot edify you. Now? I don’t exactly believe that. By having that mindset I believe I was placing God in a box, a tiny little box and allowing him to speak to my life only through music made by Christians.

Let’s be clear, there is a good group of Christian singers and bands that are talented and whose music I follow, but there are a lot that, well, I don’t think put enough effort or talent into it. It takes more than lyrics about God to make good music, the fact that you are Christian does not necessarily make you a great musician. It takes time, effort, talent, creativity and being open enough to get rid of the cheesiness that has plagued Christian music for so long. I believe some are doing it, sadly, the majority isn’t.

On the other hand, I believe God can speak to us whichever way he desires to.  I believe that if for some reason, God’s followers are prevented from singing his praises, even the rocks will cry out. Be it persecution or lack of effort and commitment from the ones that should be singing. I really don’t mean to blast Christians with this post, I just think we need to be a little more open minded and allow God to speak to us anyway he wants to. Personally, I have been blessed by God through lyrics of songs written by drug addicts and people whose lifestyles I do not condone.

I know that most of my musical preferences are not appreciated by some Christians. For example I am a fan of the craziness that is Lady GaGa, I like her music, her showmanship and her boldness to be different, to step outside of the boundaries and try her best to be great. I love creativity and that is something that I can see clearly in her and believe it or not I think it is a gift of God.

In some ways I can identify more with broken people, people who don’t have all the answers or are always in victory. It’s hard for me to identify with people that are always acting like everything is just perfect, I don’t buy it because I know it is not like that. I used to be like that, I used to live behind a Christian mask that showed others that now, since I have Jesus, my life is perfect. So, in some way I can see through that and feel sorry for people who live trying to show others what Christianity really isn’t. Christianity for me is so much more than that, why would we need faith if everything was perfect? Christianity for me is that no matter how broken, rejected, lost I am, Jesus loves me and wants to heal, restore and help me find the way.

I know this is coming away from my main topic, which was music, but the same and even worse can be said about films. As someone who in the future would like to work in movies I simply cannot stand some of the movies made my Christians, good intentions do not make good movies. I watched “One Night with the King” and I know it’s loved by many Christians but I just find it… Let’s just say that I didn’t like it at all, the movie or the King showing his hard nipples all throughout the hour and a half that the movie lasted. Ugh.

So, yes I listen to good music, music that I like and enjoy. If you are a Christian musician don’t settle for just praising God, be awesome at it, practice, try your best to be the best. Don’t be afraid to bring songs out of your brokenness because it is those songs that will be instruments to touch the lives of others. 

I love God, and struggle everyday trying to follow him, but yes I still follow him. My life has been so changed since I decided to know him more that I just can’t do something else than following him. I have a hard time with some Christians though, I do not have to conform to your beliefs or live like you do. I did that and, for me, it didn’t work. It brought me a lot of distress and pain to live showing others the greatness of the Christian life when my life was so messed up inside. I would preach and then go back to my place of suffering, just to come out showing my mask and letting everyone see that it was all “OK”. Now, some years after that part of my life, even though I still have struggles and difficulties I don’t mind opening my life up to others and saying: “Yes, I am a mess“. I will not preach you a perfect, “TBN”, idyllic, utopic, warm and fuzzy life. I just can’t. But I can share what I am, a broken person, who even in pain and suffering was reached by a God who cares and, who I believe, loves awesome music.

Last Friday, The Tonight Show with Conan O’ Brien had to be cancelled because of a nasty fall that Conan had while doing a sketch with Terri Hatcher. It sure looks kinda painful. See the video below.

Ouchie! I had to look away. Things like this can be dangerous.

I kept the right ones out
And let the wrong ones in
Had an angel of mercy to see me through all my sins
There were times in my life
When I was goin’ insane
Tryin’ to walk through
The pain
When I lost my grip
And I hit the floor
Yeah,I thought I could leave but couldn’t get out the door
I was so sick and tired
Of livin’ a lie
I was wishin that I
Would die

It’s Amazing
With the blink of an eye you finally see the light
It’s Amazing
When the moment arrives that you know you’ll be alright
It’s Amazing
And I’m sayin’ a prayer for the desperate hearts tonight

That one last shot’s a Permanent Vacation
And how high can you fly with broken wings?
Life’s a journey not a destination
And I just can’t tell just what tomorrow brings

You have to learn to crawl
Before you learn to walk
But I just couldn’t listen to all that righteous talk, oh yeah
I was out on the street,
Just tryin’ to survive
Scratchin’ to stay
Alive

This song doesn’t come from a christian band or a group with overly spiritual themes. Maybe that’s why it speaks to me so much. Too many times Christians sing songs that are borderline to a fantasy world, when the reality is that all of us go through a lot of suffering and pain. Life is not easy and it’s good to know that through all our sins, our pain and our desperation God still cares for us. It’s crazy how in the hard times of my life a song like this has helped me see the light.

If you are going through a hard time, a time of desperation and pain, hang on, tomorrow will be a bright new day.

Amazing by Aerosmith

As years go by, the more people I know, I am made aware of how many people are living broken lives. It’s interesting how much we can give away in just a simple interaction or conversation. Personally, I have seen the negative effects of seeing and doing things too early in my childhood. These things ended up corrupting some areas in my life that have been very, very hard to fix, some that even until today I struggle with. This corruption changed things, it challenged the way I was to behave and interact with others and how I was to see some things in life in a different light.

Childhood is a precious time, a fundamental one in our formation. Sadly there are situations brought upon children that are beyond what they are supposed to handle at that age and ends up distorting their view of life. As adults, I believe that is part of our job to make sure that the children around us do not loose their innocence abruptly, too early or in a way that will keep them broken the rest of their lives.

For example, I come from parents that divorced when I was just a kid and even though the divorce didn’t affect me that much, the situations leading to it did. These situations made a direct hit to my view of life and therefore corrupted some things in me.

Now, I do not agree with divorce as a solution. I have seen the effect it has caused in the lives of many, making their lives even harder. I believe marriage can be restored if both sides decide to work on it and look into the true meaning of their relationship, even more if they have kids that can be affected.

Abuse, exposure to pornography and a distant relationship with their parents are just some of the scenarios that can seriously hinder a childs growth into an emotionally stable adult. I have seen first hand how not being monitored and having open exposure to adult material made a mess in some areas of my life. The problem with this is that a fantasy starts developing in people’s minds and it is definitely not easy to get rid of it. Innocence is lost and it is very hard to regain control of your life and how it is supposed to be, when you have not experienced true freedom. People go from being brothers and sisters, someone to care for to becoming something to satisfy our distorted desires. God can change things around, of course. But what if those situations in our childhood had been avoided in the first place?

If you feel broken and feel that you have been living a lie, you are not alone. Me too. Sometimes I can’t even recognize who I really am for the things I say, do and think. But I do know, that there is hope. I am sorry if you were affected as a child, my heart hurts for you, because I truly know how hard it is. I know what it is to look at the mirror and hate what you have become and all that you have forsaken knowing it to be right. But God still cares. In the midst of my darkness, pain and suffering there is an unwavering Dad that knows what I have been through. A father that does not care for the darkness around you but knows what you lack and desires passionately to provide the love that you missed.

You may have lost your innocence, your image may have been broken, but there is still a chance to rise up and make things different, you may not be able to change the past but you can rest in knowing there is hope for your future.

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According to wikipedia, the Stockholm syndrome is a psychological response sometimes seen in abducted hostages, in which the hostage shows signs of loyalty to the hostage-taker, regardless of the danger or risk in which they have been placed.

I really had no idea what it meant or that the term even existed until I listened to a song tonight. I think for some christians I may sound like a rebel sometimes in the sense that I usually don’t participate in their “culture”. I have a big problem with christians that point at other people as sinners and condemn them for what they do. Why? Because we are no better. For me christianity is not about I’m right and the non-christians are wrong, it is about  we all mess up and are unable to clean it up by our own strength.

I sin, constantly, more than I would like to actually and I know that I’m not alone in this. The fact that I’m writing about it in itself shows me how I have changed. I have taken off my mask on this aspect. I have been a christian for around 14 years now and was actively involved in Church, which has helped me see a wide variety of situations. I still remember when a wise counselor told me: “Activity does not equal spirituality”. She was right, the fact that I went to church more than my brother who was a heroin addict doesn’t make me that much better than him. I did not know that then. I still remember taking my brother to countless rehabs (around 30 in total) and giving him “the speech”. “Why don’t you just stop, make a decision and stick to it, you can be stronger than that…”. Anyway, without really knowing I was putting him down because he was “in sin” and me up because I was “the christian”. Was he any different than the pastor that cheated on his wife with a lady that danced in the worship services? Was the pastor who is being accused of molesting children any better? Am I with my struggles any different? No.

Theologically I believe many things, but in the heart of it, God is love. The Bible even says that I can be, and do and accomplish many things but if I don’t have love I am crap basically. You don’t have to agree with my theology and I don’t have to agree with yours but you know something? Since the God that I believe in is love I am trying to love people more and that will pretty much be my message.

The clearest example of Christians not loving is seen everyday and is one that more than anything has hurt the Church. This is the battle against homosexuals. At some point, Christians forgot that their motive was love and their actions started being motivated by what a few believed. They became part of the Stockholm Syndrome, since a few started condemning gay people, that became the norm. Since some started saying: “We are right, they are wrong, we are good, they are bad, God loves us, God doesn’t love them”, that sadly became the message. They forgot which team they were a part of. My opinion is that God loves us, black or white, gay or straight, skinny or fat. Anyway, I think most people could agree with me in saying that we are not as good as we could be, but being bad, doing things wrong and living a crazy life does not change the fact that God loves us with an unwavering passion.

I guess all those years as a Christian have been helpful to open my eyes to this. I believe that we need to know God more, and in my life what has shown me his love have been the moments when I mess up so bad that I have no idea how to come back to him. All those years in church were great, but they did not show me what my struggles showed me. Don’t get me wrong I learned and still learn at and love the Church. But my perspective in many things has changed, I guess I’ve grown.

With that said, please listen to this song by Derek Webb, it’s goes along with this topic and was the inspiration behind me writing it…

Lyrics:
You say you always treat people like you like to be
I guess you love being hated for your sexuality
You love when people put words in your mouth
‘Bout what you believe, make you sound like a freak

‘Cause if you really believe what you say you believe
You wouldn’t be so damn reckless with the words you speak
Wouldn’t silently conceal when the liars speak
Denyin’ all the dyin’ of the remedy

Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?
Tell me, sister, what matters more to you?

If I can tell what’s in your heart by what comes out of your mouth
Then it sure looks to me like being straight is all it’s about
It looks like being hated for all the wrong things
Like chasin’ the wind while the pendulum swings

‘Cause we can talk and debate until we’re blue in the face
About the language and tradition that he’s comin’ to save
Meanwhile we sit just like we don’t give a shit
About the 3,000 people who are dyin’ today

Tell me, brother, what matters more to you?
Tell me, sister, what matters more to you?